A trip down the WIDE memory lane....

I thought... instead of beating myself up for where I am now... I should look at where I was then.....

Ok.... I'll admit it.... I've come a long way and need to give myself a bit of a break when it comes to the negative self talk... I need to be my own best supporter!

Day Two...

I am day two into the WW program and I'm already trying to screw it up! Not really happy that my wine is costing my four to five points....grrrrrr. I'm being bitchy again and I can't believe I actually cried when Ainsley dumped my bowel of carefully measured out Chinese food onto the floor....oh yeah, all over my lap too boot! Really????? I actually had to laugh at myself after a few minutes of pitiful drama....I thought to myself.... It's food.... Houston....we have a problem... a food problem.

This just proves that I had not really gotten over or really dealt with my issues with food after I had gone through surgery for weight loss. Clearly, if I'm gonna cry like a child over Chinese food... there is some work to be done. This is one big reason I am writing this....putting myself out there (which ain't easy).

When I signed up for WW on Friday and found out that I am able to have 46 points a day... I was geeked! 46 is a BIG number! Ummmmm..... not really, not in WW world! After having what I thought was a pretty good breakfast... I saw my daily point dwindle rapidly.... blah. But.... I just have to buck up and shut up. Get over it, obviously what I have been doing for basically all my life ain't working.... so change is gonna have to happen if I want to change my future health.

My new mantra.... "Go Big or Go Home" and "Suck it up Buttercup" or "Check yo self before you wreck yo self"... that one is a classic....LOL

So hopefully I have a better outlook/attitude the next time I post..... Grrrrrrrrr

Hold the F***K on....!!!

Well.... for myself, the Belly Fat diet did not work for me. Even though I did loss 5.5 pounds in the first week, I was extremely tired (I had to take naps in the middle of three days) over all I felt run down... and not to mention I was the biggest bitch, I actually feel sorry for my husband and children, LOL. Now granted, I was probably going through sugar withdrawals, but the exhaustion was more than just sugar withdrawal. I actually felt more bloated, and this was after losing weight! Water retention is a bitch, let me tell ya. Now, don't get me wrong, it was not completely a waste of time... I really got some insight in how I am a bit addicted to sugar.

I am proud to say that I have had only ONE latte in the past two weeks, and I had that one today, which I'm a bit bummed about. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. I've been having regular coffee with sugar free hazelnut/ white chocolate flavoring added with cream. Okay... it's not quite the same as a beautifully delicious and creamy latte.... but they gotta go. Lattes are like the abusive husband that is no good for me, however there is just something about the bad streak that drives me crazy and keeps him around...(okay...baby analogy, whatever).

I've been thinking... maybe I need to bring back an oldie but goodie... Weightwatchers!!!! I have done the points before (unofficially), after baby number two, and actually found the system to work... if you work it. They have revamped the program, and I've had some people close to me lose a lot of weight and they have really changed their eating habits and have learned some great life skills.

So...here is to learning by trial and error...

Gotta deal with real life.

During my first week I have had the pleasure of learning how to incorporate my new eating practice with the real world... the dreaded potluck at work......duhduh duh.......

I am glad to report that it was not all bad. I made sure I brought something that I would be able to eat, summer sausage and cheese. I also went ahead and just brought myself a lunch that followed the meal plan. It was a good thing because there was a ton of carbs, and most of them were some favorites... more specifically, carrot cake! I do have to admit it was a bit difficult with trying to shake the feelings of being left out... which is not correct. It was just my brain trying to tell me that if I wanted to participate, I need to eat everything in site. And this is just not correct. It was nice have a fellow coworker/friend that is also eating healthier with a similar diet plan (south beach)... so we laughed about all the stuff we wanted to just devour, but knew in the long run we would be doing ourselves no good if we went with our impulses.

So I ate my sausage and cheese as a snack when setting up the food for the dinner, and then later that night I just ate my lunch that I brought with me. I was able to grab some veggies from the veggie tray that was brought by someone else, which I added to my salad.

Oh yeah...bringing my own lunch has been saving me some money...which a awesome additional side effect of this whole diet thing....

Next obstacle.... going to dinner and then to the bar tomorrow night with friends.... I'm a bit scared, I won't lie.

Today is a great day....

Diet, noun, meaning the usual food or drink consumed by a person or animal...

Well, obviously some diets are better than others... and my current one of sugar, sugar, caffeine, and more sugar was probably not going to give the results I am wanting. Okay, so everyone has heard the joke... "I'm on the see food diet... I SEE food and I eat it".... LOL This is not too far off the mark lately.

Today, my husband and myself have decided to nip this eating "issue" in the butt... we have started the Belly Fat Diet that reels in the sugar consumption. It's not a big surprise that Americans in large are.... well, too large! We have some of the worst diets in the industrialized world, and I'm not here to start a debate on how to turn that around for everyone... there is just way too many different contributing factors and there is no 1 answer for everyone.

About two weeks ago, a good friend and co-worker who is in great shape and eats great and I were talking about my current diet and life stresses and how I'm on a slippery slope to gaining all my weight back... and most likely plus some. I was picking her brain, and I found it fascinating that herself and family eat a CLEAN diet. They have made the conscious decision to remove processed foods from their diet ( there usual daily drink/food) ;) She told me to do one of the easiest, yet biggest pain in the rump activities to monitor my eating habits....keep a daily food journal. Grrrrrrrrr..... I can't say that I had a smile on my face....but I did it, and what I found out was.... I drink WAY too many lattes and eat way too much refined sugars...

This is why when I read Jorge Cruise's book, Belly Fat Cure, it clicked. He talks about how the fact that the belly fat, which is the deadliest to have gives a person a higher risk for type II diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. Cruise's way to curb the belly fat is to control the insulin that is released into a person's blood stream by reigning in the amount of carbs and sugars they consume... sounds simple and easy, yet however.... we are still a fat nation.

I am personally not trying to cure the world.... I am just trying to cure me...

So today was the day that I started Jorge Cruise's Belly Fat Diet...
You start off the first week eating a very specific diet that he prescribes and he guarantees weight loss of 4-9lbs.... we shall see...
I've had three eggs and one slice of whole wheat toast, coffee with just half and half for breakfast.
Went shopping for the rest of my week's food. Came home and had one piece of string cheese for a snack. Then lunch consisted of a turkey/turkey bacon wrap, with lettuce, tomato, cucumber, cheese, and mayo...pretty yummy actually LOL.
Dinner will be grilled chicken, spinach salad, sauteed zucchini with cheese and raspberries for dessert...

So far, the first day has been pretty great!!!

I will keep adding photos...hopefully they are photos of me losing and not gaining, LOL ;)

Ok...here we go...

Like the title says... I'm a nursing student, and I'm fat. There are many factors that has made me want to change my ways, and being a good example to my future patients and my children in towards the top of the list. I have always been a "big" girl... being almost 6 foot helps with that. I have had five beautiful children, which has assisted with the excess weight gain. Nursing school is NOT helping the situation...let me tell ya! I have turned to my close and personal friends Caffeine and Chocolate for comfort...since I have been broken up with my old nasty friend Nicotine for about 10 years now....lol.

I have had a long journey with trying to lose weight... and it started in my teens. I have a family history of heart disease and type II diabetes on my dad's side of the family.... I lost him to these nasty diseases January 2004. He was 54 years old.... he also lost his father (my grandfather) at an early age, 52 to a massive heart attack, my dad was 16 at the time. I knew then, that I did NOT want my children to have to go through losing myself at a early life, and I needed to lose weigh.... I just didn't really know how.

One thing that I battled with was the decision to have weight loss surgery or not.... I mulled over this for a few years.

Then, in early 2007, at the age of 28... I had to be put on antihypertensives... a harsh slap of reality! If I kept going down the road a was going down... I would die at a early age, just like my father and grandfather. So... I bit the proverbial bullet and had a sleeve gastrectomy done July 21, 2008! I thought, "I did it...I've beat this"....however... I got pregnant with my fourth child two weeks after surgery!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!! I can't do anything simple. Luckily however, the surgery I ended up getting didn't deal with malabsorption, so there was very little risk to my pregnancy. April 22, 2009 I had a son... I lost a total of 94 pounds at the end of the pregnancy. Six weeks after I had my son, I chose a new birth control (IUD) so I could focus on losing weight and not growing my family. However... five months later... I found out I was pregnant again!

Remember.... I don't like simple....

July 2, 2010... 14 months after having my last son.... I had my second daughter... she was a surprise.... oh but a great one... we are so happy to have her in our family.

August 2nd I found out that I was excepted into a nursing program through a competitive program.... and would start in five weeks!!!!! I had a choice to make... I chose to push through and go ahead with the program.

Anyone who has gone through a intense program knows that there is usually some weight gain of the student body... literally. I am now half way done with the program, and have gained a sense of accomplishment, new resilience, and... 40 pounds!!! I am freaking out. I am going backwards!!! I had weight loss surgery for crying out loud... I used to be proud to admit it!! Now I'm embarrassed when I see the looks of people's faces. I know that they are thinking that there is NO way I had surgery almost three years ago...and I'm still the size I currently am!

So... I've done some soul searching... I totally understand now why they say that weight loss surgery is really not a cure... I have not yet dealt with the emotional aspect of my addiction to crappy food... I have to reign this in.... or I will be right back to were I was... if not even heavier.... I don't want to be one of the statistics.

I have decided that I need to check myself.... I have looked at my current diet.... I eat soooooo much sugar and carbs! I drink so much of them with my lattes that I have now become dependent on.

One of my great friends told me how her husband has just lost about 40 pounds of belly fat... this intrigued me, since this is were I store about 85% of my weight. I learned that he has followed the nutritional teachings and tips of Jorge Cruise and his Belly Fat Cure. I read his book and web site... and I'm excited.

So...here I am... I've decided to commit to myself to this new way of feeding myself...

Here we go!!! I'm wearing this all on my sleeve... 279lbs today I will be doing weekly weigh-ins only... I will not live by what the scale says....

till next time...